I don't have a lot of physical reminders of my grandmother, but she died 7 years ago tomorrow and I've been thinking about her and a little bit about death in general. I have a few lighthouses here and there only one of which belonged to her and a picture on my night stand but sometimes a lot of time goes by without me consciously thinking of her.
I don't mean to suggest that she wasn't important to me or that I've forgotten her. I was thinking more about the unconscious thoughts of her. While I value the few things of hers that I may have it is the parts of myself that she helped to mold that mean the most. Every time I find myself playing a game I think of her. I am fairly certain that I inherited her love for all card and word games along with her competitive drive. If you knew my grandmother you knew that she took her games seriously.
Very Very seriously. God help you if you got in the way of a game of Canasta or interrupted her while she was online playing Slingo. This included a love for game shows on tv which is why to this day I can't pass an episode of "Press Your Luck" without turning it on.
The first "grown up" or non cartoon movie that I can remember loving was
16 Candles. I watched it with my grandmother on VHS cuddled up in her bed. In fact when she moved I finally found my long lost blankie "woogie" (no need to comment on the fact that I named my baby blanket) under her bed surely left there after an afternoon watching movies or all the game shows that she has recorded that week. We had our very own personal game show network years before that channel was introduced. It is these seemingly unimportant things that I look back at most fondly now.
My grandmother was a lover of words and learning. I used to write short stories as a child and I remember always being excited to show them to her. She was very encouraging and spoke to me like an adult. I not only valued her opinion but loved sharing a special time with her. I try every day to emulate her in the way that I speak to my children. I
want them to feel like I did around her: important, intelligent, significant.
I feel like there is a piece of her buried somewhere in everything I write. I feel her spirit every time I win a game of canasta. She made me feel special when we spent time together and although I may not think of her now as much as when she was still around she is as much a part of my life as ever if not more as I grow older.
It is in this contemplation that I have truly discovered for myself that it is not important what things you own or what you have to leave behind when you go. It is how you affect people, how you make people
feel, that will carry on long after you are gone. So I hope that I too will encourage people in their passions. I hope that I will make someone feel important, smart, and loved. And today I will remember my grandmother for being all those things and more. I will take time today to thank her, not for the possessions that she left me but for the memories, the passion for learning, and the ability to kick your butt in any word game out there.
